I am so appreciative for my illness. Without it, I wouldn't have had to recognize that my ego, not my physical ailments; was killing me. Everyday was becoming a longer and harder battle than the last…this was not due to the physical pain, though I may have thought it was. My ego was debilitating me! I couldn’t let it go, I was thrown for a loop and my identity had to change for me to move past it. I was hitting a wall every day in terms of my identity and I realized it was because I hadn't addressed the world around me, just what I thought was mine. I believed I was special in that my world orbited in it’s own system, isolated from the toxins of the infinitesimal orbits of lives that were grouping together to attack each other or to avoid the changes and challenges of living a life of unknown. The silly thing is, we are only one collection of atoms that are not going to orbit efficiently if we are all fighting the movement of the universe to achieve individual success. Then what? What happens when we reach it? Will we ever reach it, or will we exhaust that tiny part of who we are until it gives and we are free falling?
If it weren’t for this disease, I would have stayed in my loop of reality that simply served myself, my man, and our dogs. How do I expect to stay in a harmonious state within my household without addressing the suffering and negative energy around us?
We are hitting a wall! We are stuck in this negative world and we are exhausted. Our world is becoming enveloped in natural disasters and hate. I can't log onto Facebook without finding a rant with countless comments just burying each other in hate. Youtube videos are infected with arguments and anger; not because their words are helping, just because they have the platform to express it. This is my cry for help! I’m burning the white flag (Joseph: Burn the White Flag is playing in my ears and I know it’s not an accident). We need to stop thinking of our jobs or our daily needs that truly serve no purpose. We need to recognize our skills and listen to our intuition; nobody is on Earth to destroy it, we are all made of of the same thing. For the literal; we are carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, and hydrogen (thank you Neil deGrasse Tyson); for the spiritual; God made us all in his image…we are all his children. Every person is on this earth with a purpose and it is not to build a large home, family, and bank account. It is to spread God’s love, high frequencies, and positive vibrations.
I am done with trying to swim upstream and conquer this world; I am not here to serve my ego and my bank account; I am here to create and bring the positive energy our screens are lacking. I am exhausted and I am done hitting this wall; there are people that are dying every single day, children that have no idea what love is and animals that have seen the evil that man has become. All of the information is out there screaming at us, and we are numb, we are just walking with our headphones in.. beelined to our daily needs. Are we so numb to the world around us that we cannot see the chaos that surrounds us? The news is spreading skewed perceptions of reality; yes, but what about social media? What do we immerse ourselves in on a daily basis? Do we really feel accomplished with 15k shares of a video on Facebook? seriously, what are we doing with our days? We see this awful stuff surrounding us on a daily or even hourly basis, we are bombarded with news updates and feed refreshes that literally feed us the dose of drama we are addicted to. Now what? so you got your post shared, do you feel accomplished? Why are we blindly spreading other peoples’ words and perceptions of life and feeling like we have helped improve our society? Let’s do something! Let’s use what we love and what we are good at to actually help these people.
Let’s use our “wanderlust” to take us the the source of the problem and save these families enduring these awful conditions. Stop serving your ego, he will always need more; it’s feeding an addiction that is killing us all! Why are we all posting this stuff anyways? We show our brand of traveler or artists, love our environment and hike everyday. Ok, yeah that is amazing and this will lead us to a paradigm shift and it will be beautiful. But right now, we need to do those things we love, to directly help these people. You want everyone to sign a petition? or to volunteer? ok and you also travel? Great, travel all around the world and spread this word. If you don’t integrate all aspects o yourself, how do you expect to find yourself? we literally don’t know who we are as a whole because we think these parts of you can’t coexist or relate to one another. Quite the contrary, they are successfully coexisting within you, you are the sole reason these can exist together at all and that is a gift in and of itself, it is not two separate gifts that you must utilize individually. You are a gift, it’s not a skill set or personality trait that makes us who we are, which is a part of this universe. We are, in totality, a gift. Why are we trying to match others’ skills and exercising that strength until it is exhausted and every other part of us is atrophying every day because we are not exercising them. This is when we get an identity crisis! We only serve one part of ourselves and when that is gone, we have no idea how to engage the other “muscles” of ourselves.
I hit this wall; I had created a complex identity held together by stakes and delicate strings. When one string was exhausted, it unraveled. With that, every stake and structure that was my identity came crashing down. I fell to the ground with only the memories of who I was. My days became endless struggles and I had no idea what I was going to do with myself. How do I pick up the pieces and melt them together until it forms it’s distorted imitation of my believed identity. I was forcing something that wasn’t there. This didn’t work anymore, this would never be the same. Finally, I couldn’t live with it anymore, I had to stop staring at my disease in the face of everything I believed was taken from me. Time was being wasted just crying about what was and what could have been. There was a need for a creative outlet and I began trying to exercise parts of my brain that I hadn’t accessed fully, ever in my life. I may have warmed them up a couple times and got excited and then dropped it to serve my exhausted, overused neural pathways. Use it or lose it, my neural pathways faded; they weren’t exercised enough and suddenly were no longer in my thought library. I literally spent so much time concerning myself with only one part of myself in order to become the greatest in that category, I lost the ability to become my whole self. I was just like everyone else, concerned with my instant gratification; living life in my scope and not using my whole self to change the chaos surrounding me.
I am ready for a change. I know we all have this in the back of our head, we feel the negative energy and we are going weary of the impact it is making on us in our everyday life. We are not here to concern ourselves with becoming the best in one field. The only field that matters is that of which we are living. We are here, on earth, in this universe and we are trying to win at what? being a great wedding photographer or manager at a supplement shop? really? The only reason this matters is so each of us individually can come home at the end of each day and have all of our needs met in 24 hour loops. There is a whole world out there existing on the same 24 hours as each of us, we need to stop orbiting independently and recognize we are a part of one universal point in time. It doesn’t matter that your tiny loop is out of turmoil, because it never will be until the entire world is. So why don’t we redirect our orbit to assist our entire community to move together towards God and the ultimate goal of peace.